He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
