Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
