He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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