when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
