I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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