I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
