I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
