You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
