I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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