I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
