there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
