Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
