Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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