Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
