I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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