Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
