i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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