I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
