tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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