Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
