just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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