are you still at the devil's house?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
