We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
