i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
