I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
