last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
