I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
