Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
