did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
