You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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