So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
