i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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