You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
