...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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