yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
