Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
