If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You can't motorboat a personality
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
