dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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