My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
