He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
