Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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