the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
