Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
