you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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