you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
