I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
