dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
