If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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