I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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