We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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