My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
