If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize