I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
