Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
