I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
