I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
