I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
a search helicopter?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
