don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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