oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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