so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
