He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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