My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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