So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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