Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
