Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
