i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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