dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
