I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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