AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
