I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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