just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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