You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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