dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
