I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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