You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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