Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
