I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
