when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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