At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
