her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
its liver damage thursday
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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