I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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